Showing posts with label Easter. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Easter. Show all posts
April 20, 2025
April 19, 2025
April 14, 2023
March 30, 2023
March 29, 2021
OMG! I've Killed the Bunny!
A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car.
The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit is the Easter Bunny, and he is DEAD.
The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry.
A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees a man crying on the side
of the road and pulls over. She steps
out of the car and asks the man what's wrong.
"I feel terrible," he explains, "I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny with my car and KILLED HIM."
The blonde says, "Don't worry." She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can.
She walks over to the limp, dead Easter Bunny, bends down, and sprays the contents onto him.
The Easter Bunny jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down
the road. Ten feet away he stops, turns
around and waves again, he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves,
hops another ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and
again and again, until he hops out of sight.
The man is astonished. He runs over to
the woman and demands, "What is in that can? What did you spray on the Easter Bunny?"
The woman turns
the can around so that the man can read the label. It says, "Hair Spray Restores life to dead hair and adds permanent wave."
April 14, 2018
October 20, 2007
Easter Riddles 31-40
Q: What do you call a duck that just doesn't fit in?
A: Mallardjusted.
Q: Why is the letter A like a flower?
A: A bee comes after it
Q: What do you call rabbits that marched in a long sweltering Easter parade?
A: Hot, cross bunnies.
Q: When is an elephant like the Easter Bunny?
A: When he's wearing his cute little Easter Bunny suit.
Q: What do you call a chocolate Easter bunny that was out in the sun too long?
A: A runny bunny.
Q: Why couldn't the rabbit fly home for Easter?
A: He didn't have the hare fare.
Q: How many chocolate bunnies can you put into an empty Easter basket?
A: One. After that the basket won't be empty.
Q: Why did the rabbit cross the road>
A: Because the chicken had his Easter eggs.
Molly Mole: What's the difference between the Easter rabbit and a mattababy?
Barney: What's a mattababy?
Molly Mole: Nothing. What's the matter with you?
Q: Where do Easter bunnies dance?
A: At the basketball.
A: Mallardjusted.
Q: Why is the letter A like a flower?
A: A bee comes after it
Q: What do you call rabbits that marched in a long sweltering Easter parade?
A: Hot, cross bunnies.
Q: When is an elephant like the Easter Bunny?
A: When he's wearing his cute little Easter Bunny suit.
Q: What do you call a chocolate Easter bunny that was out in the sun too long?
A: A runny bunny.
Q: Why couldn't the rabbit fly home for Easter?
A: He didn't have the hare fare.
Q: How many chocolate bunnies can you put into an empty Easter basket?
A: One. After that the basket won't be empty.
Q: Why did the rabbit cross the road>
A: Because the chicken had his Easter eggs.
Molly Mole: What's the difference between the Easter rabbit and a mattababy?
Barney: What's a mattababy?
Molly Mole: Nothing. What's the matter with you?
Q: Where do Easter bunnies dance?
A: At the basketball.
Easter Riddles 11-20
Q: What do you call a bunny with a dictionary in his pants?
A: A smarty pants.
Q: What would you call the Easter Bunny if he married a chicken?
A: The very first rabbit to lay an egg!
Q: What do you call ten rabbits marching backwards?
A: A receding hareline.
Q: Why was the rabbit rubbing his head?
A: Because he had a eggache! (headache)
Q: How do you catch a unique bunny?
A: UNIQUE UP ON IT!
Q: Why did the Easter Bunny hop down the road?
A: He was making the Movie
Q: What do you call the Easter Bunny after a hard day's work?
A: Tired.
Q: What did the rabbit say to the carrot?
A: It's been nice gnawing at you.
Q: What does a rooster say to a hen he likes?
A: Your one hot chick!
Q: What did the bunny put over his sore?
A: A eggage.
A: A smarty pants.
Q: What would you call the Easter Bunny if he married a chicken?
A: The very first rabbit to lay an egg!
Q: What do you call ten rabbits marching backwards?
A: A receding hareline.
Q: Why was the rabbit rubbing his head?
A: Because he had a eggache! (headache)
Q: How do you catch a unique bunny?
A: UNIQUE UP ON IT!
Q: Why did the Easter Bunny hop down the road?
A: He was making the Movie
Q: What do you call the Easter Bunny after a hard day's work?
A: Tired.
Q: What did the rabbit say to the carrot?
A: It's been nice gnawing at you.
Q: What does a rooster say to a hen he likes?
A: Your one hot chick!
Q: What did the bunny put over his sore?
A: A eggage.
Easter Riddles 1-10
Q: How do bunnies stay healthy?
A: Eggercise
Q: What do you get when you cross a chicken and the Easter Bunny?
A: A good Easter.
Q: What do you call Easter when you are hopping around?
A: Hoppy Easter!
Q: What do you get when you find a rabbit with no hair?
A: A hairless hare!
Q: Why are people always tired in April?
A: Because they just finished a march
Q: Why did the Easter egg hide?
A: He was a little chicken!
Q: What do you call a duck who plays basketball?
A: A slam duck.
Q: What do you call a bunny with a large brain?
A: An egghead.
Q: What grows between your nose and chin?
A: Tulips (Two Lips).
Q: Why did the rabbit cross the road?
A: Because it was the chicken's day off.
A: Eggercise
Q: What do you get when you cross a chicken and the Easter Bunny?
A: A good Easter.
Q: What do you call Easter when you are hopping around?
A: Hoppy Easter!
Q: What do you get when you find a rabbit with no hair?
A: A hairless hare!
Q: Why are people always tired in April?
A: Because they just finished a march
Q: Why did the Easter egg hide?
A: He was a little chicken!
Q: What do you call a duck who plays basketball?
A: A slam duck.
Q: What do you call a bunny with a large brain?
A: An egghead.
Q: What grows between your nose and chin?
A: Tulips (Two Lips).
Q: Why did the rabbit cross the road?
A: Because it was the chicken's day off.
Signs the Easter Bunny is Nuts
10. Neighbors describing him as "a quiet loner."
9. Removed from a department store last December after screaming at Santa, "You're going to die up there, fat man!"
8. Can't stop washing his paws.7. Colorful eggs now filled with Prozac.
6. Apartment walls covered with photos of Sharon Stone.
5. Met with Dr. Kevorkian about the possibility of a "suicide egg."
4. Rotting corpse of Energizer bunny recently discovered in his crawl space.
3. Won't come out of his compound in Waco, Texas.
2. He's hippity-hopped up on crack.
1. Keeps rubbing himself for good luck
9. Removed from a department store last December after screaming at Santa, "You're going to die up there, fat man!"
8. Can't stop washing his paws.7. Colorful eggs now filled with Prozac.
6. Apartment walls covered with photos of Sharon Stone.
5. Met with Dr. Kevorkian about the possibility of a "suicide egg."
4. Rotting corpse of Energizer bunny recently discovered in his crawl space.
3. Won't come out of his compound in Waco, Texas.
2. He's hippity-hopped up on crack.
1. Keeps rubbing himself for good luck
Why The Easter Bunny Brings Eggs
10. Big Ass Tax Write-off
9. Who ever heard of Easter Bricks?
8. Consider all of the varieties: scrambled, over easy, hard boiled
7. He gets a good deal from the local chickens
6. Secret plan to eliminate human race by cholesterol overdose
5. Pressure from the Egg Marketing Board
4. Because if it brought bottle rockets it would be the Independence Bunny
3. Would you want to hunt for waffles?
2. He thinks guys should get chicks at least once a year
1. Because the Energizer rabbit got the good job.
9. Who ever heard of Easter Bricks?
8. Consider all of the varieties: scrambled, over easy, hard boiled
7. He gets a good deal from the local chickens
6. Secret plan to eliminate human race by cholesterol overdose
5. Pressure from the Egg Marketing Board
4. Because if it brought bottle rockets it would be the Independence Bunny
3. Would you want to hunt for waffles?
2. He thinks guys should get chicks at least once a year
1. Because the Energizer rabbit got the good job.
Accident
A man was blissfully driving along the highway, when he saw the Easter Bunny hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the Bunny, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of his car and was hit. The basket of eggs went flying all over the place. Candy, too.
The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road, and got out to see what had become of the Bunny carrying the basket. Much to his dismay, the colorful Bunny was dead.
The driver felt guilty and began to cry.
A woman driving down the same highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong.
"I feel terrible," he explained. "I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny and killed it. There may not be an Easter because of me. What should I do? "
The woman told the man not to worry. She knew exactly what to do. She went to her car trunk, and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead Bunny, and sprayed the entire contents of the can onto the little furry animal.
Miraculously the Easter Bunny came to back life, jumped up, picked up the spilled eggs and candy, waved its paw at the two humans and hopped on down the road. 50 yards away the Easter Bunny stopped, turned around, waved and hopped on down the road another 50 yards, turned, waved, hopped another 50 yards and waved again!!!!
The man was astonished.
He said to the woman, "What in heaven's name is in your spray can? What was it that you sprayed on the Easter Bunny?"
The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label.
It said: "Hair spray. Restores life to dead hair. Adds permanent wave."
The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road, and got out to see what had become of the Bunny carrying the basket. Much to his dismay, the colorful Bunny was dead.
The driver felt guilty and began to cry.
A woman driving down the same highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong.
"I feel terrible," he explained. "I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny and killed it. There may not be an Easter because of me. What should I do? "
The woman told the man not to worry. She knew exactly what to do. She went to her car trunk, and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead Bunny, and sprayed the entire contents of the can onto the little furry animal.
Miraculously the Easter Bunny came to back life, jumped up, picked up the spilled eggs and candy, waved its paw at the two humans and hopped on down the road. 50 yards away the Easter Bunny stopped, turned around, waved and hopped on down the road another 50 yards, turned, waved, hopped another 50 yards and waved again!!!!
The man was astonished.
He said to the woman, "What in heaven's name is in your spray can? What was it that you sprayed on the Easter Bunny?"
The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label.
It said: "Hair spray. Restores life to dead hair. Adds permanent wave."
October 02, 2007
Interview with the Easter Bunny
With the possible exception of Santa Claus himself, there is not a busier mammal on the face of the earth than the Easter Bunny.
Once a year, the Easter Bunny hops into the homes of hundreds of millions of boys and girls all over the globe, dropping off chocolates, candy and eggs
as part of the celebration of Easter.
America Online spent a few minutes with the Easter Bunny as he was preparing for this year's task, for a tell-all, no-holds-barred interview. If you
thought you knew the Easter Bunny, you just may be surprised.
America Online: Thanks for talking to us.
Easter Bunny: No problem. Do you mind if I eat while we talk? [takes out a packet of small green pellets] I've been in a rush recently.
AOL: Go right ahead. We've got a list of questions here, compiled from our members, and I'll just go down the list if you don't mind.
EB: Ready when you are.
AOL: The first question comes from Ted, in Dayton, Ohio. He writes: "We all know that Santa's Workshop is located at the North Pole. Does the Easter Bunny have a workshop, and if so, where is it
located?"
EB: Well, Ted, the answer is yes, I do have a workshop. It's located in San Bernardino, California.
AOL: San Bernardino?
EB: That's right.
AOL: You have to understand that most people would have figured some place like Easter Island.
EB: Have you *been* to Easter Island? What a rock! It's the single most isolated piece of land on the planet. By the time we shipped fresh eggs there, we'd have chickens. Besides, San
Bernardino has the sort of motivated labor pool we need.
AOL: Elves?
EB: Laid-off aerospace workers.
AOL: They would seem to be a little overqualified.
EB: Maybe. But now we have some lovely chocolate stealth bombers.
AOL: Our next question comes from Cindy, in Tempe. She writes: "Why is the Easter Bunny a bunny? Why couldn't it have been the Easter Kitty, or the Easter Puppy?"
EB: That's a very good question. In fact, in the late 70s, we as an organization decided to play around with the whole "bunny" thing by recruiting prominent local animals to deliver Easter baskets. In 1978, when
the experiment was at its height, we had an Easter Bunny, an Easter Coyote, an Easter Manatee and an Easter Komodo Dragon.
AOL: What happened?
EB: It just didn't work out. The Komodo dragon ate the eggs, the coyote just flaked out, and the manatee, if I may say so, was just about as dumb as a stick. There were some other problems with the program, too. The less we talk about the whole Easter Man-Eating Bengali Swamp Tiger episode, the better. Now we stick with bunnies. We know bunnies. We can work with bunnies. Bunnies don't eat anyone.
AOL: Bob in Honolulu asks: "Is there is just one Easter Bunny? Moreover, has the same Easter Bunny been the Easter Bunny for the last couple of millennia?"
EB: The fact of the matter is that there are quite a few Easter Bunnies, and we've never made a secret about that. Unlike the Santa Claus operation, which works under the improbable assumption that one
guy delivers all those presents -
AOL: Are you saying that Santa is a sham?
EB: I didn't say that. I never said that. What I am saying is that *we* don't work under the same sort of constraints. I mean, think about it. One bunny delivering baskets to several hundred million homes across the planet? The friction from the atmosphere alone would turn the poor guy into a bunny briquette. There'd be hideous charcoal smudges all over the baskets. "Easter Bunny" is a job description, not a proper name. Its like "Postal Carrier," except our employees very rarely become disgruntled.
AOL: So why are you THE Easter Bunny?
EB: Because I'm boss. You're not an Easter Bunny until I say you are.
AOL: How does one become an Easter Bunny?
EB: Well, it's not just hopping down the bunny trail, I'll tell you. First, for reasons already explained, you have to be a bunny. After that, we have a psychological evaluation and a battery of physical tests you have to pass. We can't afford to have an Easter Bunny cramp up at the beginning of his run.
AOL: Any famous rabbits turned down for the job?
EB: I don't want to name names. But one bunny who's making a living in the breakfast cereal industry, we had to let go. Any time a child would try to get an Easter basket from him, he'd back away and start snarling. He was a silly rabbit. Easter baskets are for kids.
AOL: He seems to have gotten better since then.
EB: Prozac helps.
AOL: Albert from Coeur d'Alene, Idaho, wants to know what the occupational hazards of being the Easter Bunny are.
EB: There are several. Large dogs are always a problem, of course: one moment you're delivering a basket of goodies, the next, a rottweiler named Pinochet is on you like a meat-filled sock. Nervous homeowners with guns wing a couple of bunnies a year, as do edgy cops and private security guards. We don't even bother trying to deliver to the children of militia members anymore; first they'll plug you for being on their land, then they'll make you into jerky and a pair of gloves. But you know what our number one problem is?
AOL: What?
EB: Sliding glass doors. Sometimes we'll just forget they're there. Man, that's embarrassing.
AOL: Here's an interesting question, from Amy, in New York City. She writes: "How does the Easter Bunny get along with Santa Claus? It seems like Santa gets all the attention." And I have to say; I did notice some tension earlier, when you brought him up.
EB (Looking uncomfortable): Well, you know, look. I don't want to say anything bad about the guy. He does what he does, and I do what I do. Professionally, we get along fine.
AOL: But privately?
EB: Is that tape recorder turned off?
AOL: Uh...sure.
EB: He's a big ol' pain in this bunny's bottom. For one thing, he's a prima donna: always me, me, me, where's my hot tea, where's my corned beef sandwich, tell this dumb bunny to get his own dressing room. I'd rather be trapped in a sack with Joan Crawford. For another, he's totally paranoid of other large men. He thinks that Luciano Pavarotti is trying to move into his territory. Last year it was John Goodman. He actually danced when Orson Welles kicked, waving his pistol and bellowing "Rosebud!" from the top of his lungs.
AOL: Wow. He seems a little scary.
EB: You think? And yet he gets all the publicity. Why? We do the same job. Mine's actually tougher, since I'm moving perishable stuff. You can't have bad eggs or stale chocolate, you know. Folks wouldn't stand for it. I have to maintain strict quality control. The only food product he has to worry about is fruitcake. You could tile the Space Shuttle with fruitcake.
AOL: We're sure you have your own fans.
EB: It's like opening for the Beatles, is all. And he *is* the walrus, if you know what I mean.
AOL: One final question, from Pat, in Rockford, Illinois; "Does the Easter Bunny actually lay eggs? How does that happen, since the Easter Bunny is both male and a mammal?"
EB: Well, platypuses are mammals, and they lay eggs. So it's not impossible.
AOL: That still leaves the male part.
EB: We're quibbling on details, here.
AOL: Maybe there should be an Easter Platypus.
EB: Sorry. We tried that in '78.
Once a year, the Easter Bunny hops into the homes of hundreds of millions of boys and girls all over the globe, dropping off chocolates, candy and eggs
as part of the celebration of Easter.
America Online spent a few minutes with the Easter Bunny as he was preparing for this year's task, for a tell-all, no-holds-barred interview. If you
thought you knew the Easter Bunny, you just may be surprised.
America Online: Thanks for talking to us.
Easter Bunny: No problem. Do you mind if I eat while we talk? [takes out a packet of small green pellets] I've been in a rush recently.
AOL: Go right ahead. We've got a list of questions here, compiled from our members, and I'll just go down the list if you don't mind.
EB: Ready when you are.
AOL: The first question comes from Ted, in Dayton, Ohio. He writes: "We all know that Santa's Workshop is located at the North Pole. Does the Easter Bunny have a workshop, and if so, where is it
located?"
EB: Well, Ted, the answer is yes, I do have a workshop. It's located in San Bernardino, California.
AOL: San Bernardino?
EB: That's right.
AOL: You have to understand that most people would have figured some place like Easter Island.
EB: Have you *been* to Easter Island? What a rock! It's the single most isolated piece of land on the planet. By the time we shipped fresh eggs there, we'd have chickens. Besides, San
Bernardino has the sort of motivated labor pool we need.
AOL: Elves?
EB: Laid-off aerospace workers.
AOL: They would seem to be a little overqualified.
EB: Maybe. But now we have some lovely chocolate stealth bombers.
AOL: Our next question comes from Cindy, in Tempe. She writes: "Why is the Easter Bunny a bunny? Why couldn't it have been the Easter Kitty, or the Easter Puppy?"
EB: That's a very good question. In fact, in the late 70s, we as an organization decided to play around with the whole "bunny" thing by recruiting prominent local animals to deliver Easter baskets. In 1978, when
the experiment was at its height, we had an Easter Bunny, an Easter Coyote, an Easter Manatee and an Easter Komodo Dragon.
AOL: What happened?
EB: It just didn't work out. The Komodo dragon ate the eggs, the coyote just flaked out, and the manatee, if I may say so, was just about as dumb as a stick. There were some other problems with the program, too. The less we talk about the whole Easter Man-Eating Bengali Swamp Tiger episode, the better. Now we stick with bunnies. We know bunnies. We can work with bunnies. Bunnies don't eat anyone.
AOL: Bob in Honolulu asks: "Is there is just one Easter Bunny? Moreover, has the same Easter Bunny been the Easter Bunny for the last couple of millennia?"
EB: The fact of the matter is that there are quite a few Easter Bunnies, and we've never made a secret about that. Unlike the Santa Claus operation, which works under the improbable assumption that one
guy delivers all those presents -
AOL: Are you saying that Santa is a sham?
EB: I didn't say that. I never said that. What I am saying is that *we* don't work under the same sort of constraints. I mean, think about it. One bunny delivering baskets to several hundred million homes across the planet? The friction from the atmosphere alone would turn the poor guy into a bunny briquette. There'd be hideous charcoal smudges all over the baskets. "Easter Bunny" is a job description, not a proper name. Its like "Postal Carrier," except our employees very rarely become disgruntled.
AOL: So why are you THE Easter Bunny?
EB: Because I'm boss. You're not an Easter Bunny until I say you are.
AOL: How does one become an Easter Bunny?
EB: Well, it's not just hopping down the bunny trail, I'll tell you. First, for reasons already explained, you have to be a bunny. After that, we have a psychological evaluation and a battery of physical tests you have to pass. We can't afford to have an Easter Bunny cramp up at the beginning of his run.
AOL: Any famous rabbits turned down for the job?
EB: I don't want to name names. But one bunny who's making a living in the breakfast cereal industry, we had to let go. Any time a child would try to get an Easter basket from him, he'd back away and start snarling. He was a silly rabbit. Easter baskets are for kids.
AOL: He seems to have gotten better since then.
EB: Prozac helps.
AOL: Albert from Coeur d'Alene, Idaho, wants to know what the occupational hazards of being the Easter Bunny are.
EB: There are several. Large dogs are always a problem, of course: one moment you're delivering a basket of goodies, the next, a rottweiler named Pinochet is on you like a meat-filled sock. Nervous homeowners with guns wing a couple of bunnies a year, as do edgy cops and private security guards. We don't even bother trying to deliver to the children of militia members anymore; first they'll plug you for being on their land, then they'll make you into jerky and a pair of gloves. But you know what our number one problem is?
AOL: What?
EB: Sliding glass doors. Sometimes we'll just forget they're there. Man, that's embarrassing.
AOL: Here's an interesting question, from Amy, in New York City. She writes: "How does the Easter Bunny get along with Santa Claus? It seems like Santa gets all the attention." And I have to say; I did notice some tension earlier, when you brought him up.
EB (Looking uncomfortable): Well, you know, look. I don't want to say anything bad about the guy. He does what he does, and I do what I do. Professionally, we get along fine.
AOL: But privately?
EB: Is that tape recorder turned off?
AOL: Uh...sure.
EB: He's a big ol' pain in this bunny's bottom. For one thing, he's a prima donna: always me, me, me, where's my hot tea, where's my corned beef sandwich, tell this dumb bunny to get his own dressing room. I'd rather be trapped in a sack with Joan Crawford. For another, he's totally paranoid of other large men. He thinks that Luciano Pavarotti is trying to move into his territory. Last year it was John Goodman. He actually danced when Orson Welles kicked, waving his pistol and bellowing "Rosebud!" from the top of his lungs.
AOL: Wow. He seems a little scary.
EB: You think? And yet he gets all the publicity. Why? We do the same job. Mine's actually tougher, since I'm moving perishable stuff. You can't have bad eggs or stale chocolate, you know. Folks wouldn't stand for it. I have to maintain strict quality control. The only food product he has to worry about is fruitcake. You could tile the Space Shuttle with fruitcake.
AOL: We're sure you have your own fans.
EB: It's like opening for the Beatles, is all. And he *is* the walrus, if you know what I mean.
AOL: One final question, from Pat, in Rockford, Illinois; "Does the Easter Bunny actually lay eggs? How does that happen, since the Easter Bunny is both male and a mammal?"
EB: Well, platypuses are mammals, and they lay eggs. So it's not impossible.
AOL: That still leaves the male part.
EB: We're quibbling on details, here.
AOL: Maybe there should be an Easter Platypus.
EB: Sorry. We tried that in '78.
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