An old farmer went to town to see a movie. The woman at the ticket window asked, "Sir, what's that on your shoulder?"
The old farmer said, "That's my pet rooster Chucky. Wherever I go, Chuck goes."
"I am sorry sir," said the ticket agent. "We can't allow animals in the theater."
The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed the bird down his overalls. He returned to the booth, bought a ticket and entered the theater and sat down next to two old widows named Mildred andMarge.
The movie started and the rooster began to squirm. The old farmer unbuttoned his fly so Chucky could stick his head out and watch themovie.
"Marge," whispered Mildred. "I think the guy next to me is a pervert."
"What makes you think so?" asked Marge.
"He undid his pants and he has his thing out," whispered Mildred.
"Well, don't worry about it," said Marge. "Hell, at our age we've seen'em all."
"I thought so too," said Mildred, "but this one's eatin' my popcorn!"
June 02, 2009
Entrance Exam
Pedro was trying to get into the U.S. legally through Immigration.
The Officer said, "Pedro, you have passed all the tests, except there is one more test. Unless you pass it you cannot enter the U.S."
Pedro said, " I am ready."
The officer said, "Make a sentence using Yellow, Pink and Green."
Pedro thought for a few minutes and said, "Mister Officer, I am ready."
The Officer said, "Go ahead."
Pedro said, "The telephone goes green, green, green, and I pink it up, and say, 'Yellow, this is Pedro.'"
Needless to say, Pedro now lives in a neighborhood near you and may soon be a Supreme Court Justice.
The Officer said, "Pedro, you have passed all the tests, except there is one more test. Unless you pass it you cannot enter the U.S."
Pedro said, " I am ready."
The officer said, "Make a sentence using Yellow, Pink and Green."
Pedro thought for a few minutes and said, "Mister Officer, I am ready."
The Officer said, "Go ahead."
Pedro said, "The telephone goes green, green, green, and I pink it up, and say, 'Yellow, this is Pedro.'"
Needless to say, Pedro now lives in a neighborhood near you and may soon be a Supreme Court Justice.
June 01, 2009
Not Much Use In A Fight
My god! What happened to you?" the bartender asked Kelly as he hobbled in on a crutch, one arm in a cast.
"I got in a tiff with Riley."
"Riley? He's just a wee fellow," the barkeep said surprised. "He must have had something in his hand."
"That he did," Kelly said. "A shovel it was."
"Dear Lord. Didn't you have anything in your hand?"
"Aye, that I did--Mrs. Riley's left breast." Kelly said. "And a beautiful thing it was, but not much use in a fight!"
"I got in a tiff with Riley."
"Riley? He's just a wee fellow," the barkeep said surprised. "He must have had something in his hand."
"That he did," Kelly said. "A shovel it was."
"Dear Lord. Didn't you have anything in your hand?"
"Aye, that I did--Mrs. Riley's left breast." Kelly said. "And a beautiful thing it was, but not much use in a fight!"
Now Available ...
1st came the commemorative coins, then the T-shirts, then the plates,
and now ... something for the rest of us
and now ... something for the rest of us
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