Back in 1990, the Government seized the Mustang Ranch brothel in Nevada for tax evasion and, as required by law, tried to run it.
They failed and it closed.
Now we are trusting the economy of our country, our banking system, our auto industry and possibly our health plans to the same nit-wits who couldn't make money running a whore house and selling whiskey!
What a plan!
August 12, 2009
Gas Attack
A lady walks into Tiffany's. She browses around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely she inadvertently breaks wind.
Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn't pop up right now.
As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her.
Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady with, "Good day, Madam How may we help you today?"
Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may not have been there at the time of her little 'accident', she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?"
He answers, "Madam, if you farted just looking at it, you're going to shit when I tell you the price."
Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn't pop up right now.
As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her.
Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady with, "Good day, Madam How may we help you today?"
Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may not have been there at the time of her little 'accident', she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?"
He answers, "Madam, if you farted just looking at it, you're going to shit when I tell you the price."
August 05, 2009
Survivor Texas
Due to the popularity of the "Survivor" shows, Texas is planning to do one entitled, "Survivor, Texas-Style."
The 9 contestants will all start in Dallas , then drive to Waco , Austin , San Antonio , over to Houston and down to Brownsville . They will then proceed up to Del Rio , El Paso , Midland , Odessa , Lubbock and Amarillo, from there they will go on to Abilene , Fort Worth and finally back to Dallas .
Each will be driving a pink Volvo with bumper stickers that reads:
"I'm Gay"
"I love the Dixie Chicks"
"Boycott Beef"
"I Voted for Obama"
"George Strait Sucks"
"Hillary in 2012"
and
"I'm here to confiscate your guns"
The first one to make it back to Dallas alive wins.
God Bless Texas
The 9 contestants will all start in Dallas , then drive to Waco , Austin , San Antonio , over to Houston and down to Brownsville . They will then proceed up to Del Rio , El Paso , Midland , Odessa , Lubbock and Amarillo, from there they will go on to Abilene , Fort Worth and finally back to Dallas .
Each will be driving a pink Volvo with bumper stickers that reads:
"I'm Gay"
"I love the Dixie Chicks"
"Boycott Beef"
"I Voted for Obama"
"George Strait Sucks"
"Hillary in 2012"
and
"I'm here to confiscate your guns"
The first one to make it back to Dallas alive wins.
God Bless Texas
August 03, 2009
August 01, 2009
Canned Milk
A little old lady from Wisconsin had worked in and around her family's dairy farms since she was old enough to walk, with hours of hard work and little compensation.
When canned Carnation Milk became available in grocery stores in around the 1940s, she read an advertisement offering $5,000 for the best slogan. The producers wanted a rhyme beginning with 'Carnation Milk is best of all.'
She thought to herself, I know all about milk and dairy farms. I can do this!
She sent in her entry, and several weeks later, a black limo pulled up in front of her house. A man got out and said, "Carnation LOVED your entry so much we are here to award you $2,000 even though we will not be able to use it!"
OK ... Lighten up ... This is humor ... we doubt that it really happened ... it's humor
When canned Carnation Milk became available in grocery stores in around the 1940s, she read an advertisement offering $5,000 for the best slogan. The producers wanted a rhyme beginning with 'Carnation Milk is best of all.'
She thought to herself, I know all about milk and dairy farms. I can do this!
She sent in her entry, and several weeks later, a black limo pulled up in front of her house. A man got out and said, "Carnation LOVED your entry so much we are here to award you $2,000 even though we will not be able to use it!"
OK ... Lighten up ... This is humor ... we doubt that it really happened ... it's humor
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