Have You Seen It?

The California Highway Patrol in the Los Angeles area recently found some amusement filling out accident reports in a series of car accidents. As it turned out, drivers were losing control and running into other vehicles upon seeing a giant vagina displayed on the front part of an oncoming car.

The CHP started frantically looking for the dangerous mobile pubis and came upon the tracks of a young art student named Nelly Node. Nelly's passion for the arts made the young woman photograph her own crotch and put the enlarged photo on her Volkswagen Beetle.

Nelly was preparing for her college course work in which she analyzed the art of design.

She was proudly driving her 'vaginal beetle' until the CHP arrested the woman. The court ruled that Nelly's car was creating a dangerous situation on the roads.  The girl had to paint over her car's hood.

Here's a picture of her VW before she had to repaint it.

She, obviously, "muffed" her chance at fame. Thank god it got "snatched" off the road by the "fuzz" before someone else had a needless "crack" up.

Just making things understandable...

Thanks for explaining it...

Run Forrest, Run!

Clever Senior

A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed.  They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.

On the way home, he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. Afterward, he stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. While struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry all of his purchases home.

While he was scratching his head, he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost.  She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?"

The farmer said, “Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I would walk you there, but I can't carry this lot.”

The old lady suggested, "Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?"

“Why thank you very much,” he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.

On the way, he said, “Let's take a shortcut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time.”

The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, "I’m a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley, you won't push me up against the wall, pull up my skirt and have your way with me?”

The farmer laughed, “Holy smokes lady!  I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose.  How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?”

The old lady replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket... and I'll hold the chickens."

Seniors Molested

A senior citizens' group chartered a bus to go from Charlotte, NC to Branson, MO. As they entered Missouri, an elderly woman came up to the driver and said, "I've just been molested!"

The driver felt that she had fallen asleep and had a dream. So he tells her to go back to her seat, and sit down.

A short time later, another old woman came forward and claimed that she was just molested.  The driver thought he had a bus load of old wackos because who would be pestering those old babes?

About 10 minutes later, a third old lady came to the front of the bus saying that she'd been molested too.

The bus driver decided that he'd had enough, and pulled into the first rest area. When he turned the lights on and stood up, he spotted an old geezer on his hands and knees crawling in the aisles.

"Hey Gramps, what the hell are you doing down there?" asked the bus driver.

"I lost my toupee,” the old guy whined.  “I thought I found it three times, but every time I try to grab it... it runs away!"