December 28, 2018
December 03, 2018
Christmas Stamps
A blonde woman goes to the post office to buy stamps for
Christmas. She says to the postal clerk,
"May I have 50 Christmas stamps?"
The clerk asks, "What denomination?"
The woman says, "God help us. Has it come to this? OK. Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists.”
From the Pulpit
A minister of a city church enjoyed a few drinks, but his
passion was for peach brandy. One of the
members in his congregation would make him a bottle each Christmas.
One year, when the minister went to visit his friend,
hoping for his usual Christmas present, he was not disappointed. However, the
congregant suggested that the minister should thank him for the peach brandy
from the pulpit the next Sunday. In his haste to get the bottle, the minister
hurriedly agreed and left.
The next Sunday the minister suddenly remembered that he
had to make a public announcement that he was being supplied alcohol from a
member of the church.
That morning, the brandy maker sat in the church with a
grin on his face, waiting to see the minister's embarrassment.
The minister climbed into the pulpit and said,
"Before we begin, I have an announcement. I would very much like to thank
my friend, Joe, for his kind gift of peaches, and for the spirit in which they
were given."
Christmas Facts
According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, both
male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year. Male reindeer drop their antlers at the
beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer
retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring.
Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition
depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them from Rudolph to Blitzen,
had to be a girl.
Guess we should've known. ONLY women would be able to
drag a fat-ass man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and
not get lost.
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