May 04, 2019
Paddy Got a Beatin'
Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he’d
just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his
face is cut, and bruised, and he’s walking with a limp.
“Aye, now. What happened to you?” asks Sean, the bartender.
“Michael O’Connor and me had a fight,” says Paddy.
“That little skinny O’Connor?” says Sean, “How could he
do that to you? He must have had something in his hand.”
“That he did,” says Paddy, “A shovel is what he had, and
a terrible beatin’ he gave me with it.”
“Well,’ says Sean, “You should have defended yourself the
same. Didn’t you have something in your hand?”
“That I did,” said Paddy. “Mrs. O’Connor’s breast was in
my hand. And a thing of beauty it was; but useless in a fight.”
Just Whisper in Her Ear
Democrat Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is on a plane in
economy class going to DC. She gets up and moves to the first class section and
sits down.
The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see
her ticket. She tells the Congresswoman that she paid for economy class and
that she will have to sit in the back.
Cortez replies, "I'm a Democrat, I'm socialist, I'm
beautiful, I'm going to DC and I'm staying right here.”
The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the
pilot and co-pilot that there is a Democrat sitting in first class that belongs
in economy and won’t move back to her seat.
The co-pilot goes back to Cortez and tries to explain
that, because she only paid for economy, she will have to leave first class and
return to economy.
Cortez replies, "I'm a Democrat, I'm beautiful, I'm
socialist, I'm going to DC and I'm staying right here.”
The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have
the police waiting when they land to arrest the Congresswoman who won’t listen
to reason.
The pilot says, "You say she is a socialist Democrat?
I'll handle this. I'm married to a liberal. I speak socialist."
He goes back to the Democrat and whispers in her ear, and
she says, "Oh, I'm sorry.", then gets up and goes back to her seat in
economy.
The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked
him what he said to her to make her move without any fuss.
"I told her, First class isn’t going to D.C.”
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