A man goes to his doctor for his physical and is then sent to a Urologist as a precaution.
When he gets there, he discovers the doctor is a very attractive young female Urologist. The female doctor says, "I'm going to check your prostate today, but this new procedure is a little different from what you are probably used to.
I want you to lie on your right side, bend your knees, and while I check your prostate, take a deep breath and say 99."
The man, following her instructions says, "99."
The doctor says, "Great! Now turn over onto your left side and again, while I repeat the check, take a deep breath and say 99"
Again, the guy says "99."
The doctor says, "Very good.
“Now then,” she says. “I want you to lie on your back with your knees raised slightly. I'm going to check your prostate with this hand, and with the other hand, I'm going to hold on to your penis. Now... take a deep breath and say, 99."
The man takes a deep breath and says, "One ... Two ... three ...."
November 13, 2007
November 11, 2007
Not My Fault
Two buddies, Tony and Steve, are getting very drunk at a bar when suddenly Steve throws up all over himself.
"Oh, no.” he says. “Now Jane will kill me!"
Tony says, “Don't worry, pal. Just tuck a twenty in your breast pocket, tell Jane that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty dollars for the dry cleaning bill.”
So they stay for another couple of hours and get even drunker. Eventually Steve rolls into home and his Jane starts to give him a bad time. "You reek of alcohol and you've puked all over yourself!” she screamed at him. “MyGod, you're disgusting!"
Speaking very carefully so as not to slur, Steve says, "Nowainaminit, I can e'splain everythin! Itsh snot wha jew think. I only had a cupla drrrinks. But thiss other guy got ssick on me... he had one too many and he juss couldin hold hizz liquor. He said he was verrry sorry an' gave me twennie bucks for the cleaning bill!
Jane looks in the shirt pocket and says, "But this is forty bucks."
"Oh, yeah...I almos' fergot.." Steve stammered as he stood there weaving from side to side. "He shhhit in my pants, too."
"Oh, no.” he says. “Now Jane will kill me!"
Tony says, “Don't worry, pal. Just tuck a twenty in your breast pocket, tell Jane that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty dollars for the dry cleaning bill.”
So they stay for another couple of hours and get even drunker. Eventually Steve rolls into home and his Jane starts to give him a bad time. "You reek of alcohol and you've puked all over yourself!” she screamed at him. “MyGod, you're disgusting!"
Speaking very carefully so as not to slur, Steve says, "Nowainaminit, I can e'splain everythin! Itsh snot wha jew think. I only had a cupla drrrinks. But thiss other guy got ssick on me... he had one too many and he juss couldin hold hizz liquor. He said he was verrry sorry an' gave me twennie bucks for the cleaning bill!
Jane looks in the shirt pocket and says, "But this is forty bucks."
"Oh, yeah...I almos' fergot.." Steve stammered as he stood there weaving from side to side. "He shhhit in my pants, too."
Fair Is Fair
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The salesgirl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife and she directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
A little confused she says, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?"
He tells her, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes and she came home with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers and says ‘Because it is Soooooo much cheaper to roll your own.’ So, I figure that if I have to roll my own, SO DOES SHE!"
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife and she directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
A little confused she says, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?"
He tells her, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes and she came home with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers and says ‘Because it is Soooooo much cheaper to roll your own.’ So, I figure that if I have to roll my own, SO DOES SHE!"
I Know What You Want
Two elderly residents, one male and one female, are sitting alone in the lobby of their nursing home one evening. The old man looks over and says to the old lady, "I know just what you're wanting, and for $5, I'll have sex with you right over there in that rocking chair."
The old lady looks surprised but doesn't say a word.
The old man continues, "For $10, I'll do it with you on that nice soft sofa over there. But for $20, I'll take you back to my room, light some candles, and give you the most romantic evening you've ever had in your life.
The old lady still says nothing but after a couple of minutes, she starts digging down in her purse. She pulls out a wrinkled $20 bill and holds it up.
"So you want the nice romantic evening in my room?" asks the old man.
"Hell No!" replies the old babe. "I want it four times in the rocking chair."
The old lady looks surprised but doesn't say a word.
The old man continues, "For $10, I'll do it with you on that nice soft sofa over there. But for $20, I'll take you back to my room, light some candles, and give you the most romantic evening you've ever had in your life.
The old lady still says nothing but after a couple of minutes, she starts digging down in her purse. She pulls out a wrinkled $20 bill and holds it up.
"So you want the nice romantic evening in my room?" asks the old man.
"Hell No!" replies the old babe. "I want it four times in the rocking chair."
Stay Away from the Pool
A guy was staying in a fancy hotel and was enjoying the pool when the manager told him to get out.
When asked for the reason, the manager said, "Because you urinated in the pool."
"Well," replied the swimmer, "lots of people do that."
"True," answered the manager, "but you did it from the diving board."
When asked for the reason, the manager said, "Because you urinated in the pool."
"Well," replied the swimmer, "lots of people do that."
"True," answered the manager, "but you did it from the diving board."
Drunk on a Bus
A drunk gets on to a bus and pointing to the middle of the bus starts yelling, “From here to the right, everybody is an asshole. From here to the left, everybody is a son of a bitch!”
One angry passenger stands and replies "Wait a minute! I am not an asshole!"
The drunk shouts back, "So move to the other side then!"
One angry passenger stands and replies "Wait a minute! I am not an asshole!"
The drunk shouts back, "So move to the other side then!"
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