Done Anything Wild?

An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall. A young man walked up to the bench and sat down.

The older man noticed that the young fellow had spiked hair in all different colors -- green, red, orange, blue, and yellow.

The old man just stared.

Every time the young man looked, the old man was staring.

The young man finally said sarcastically, "What's the matter old timer? Never done anything wild in your life?"

Without batting an eye, the old man replied, "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."

Socrates Said ....

And remember what Socrates once said ……

By all means marry.

If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if youget a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

Name the Baby ....

A young girl finally had the opportunity to go to a party by herself. Since she was very good-looking, she was a bit nervous about what to do if boys hit on her.

Her mom said, "It's very easy! Whenever a boy starts hitting on you, you ask him, 'What will be the name of our baby?' That'll scare them off."

So off she went.

After a little while at the party a boy started dancing with her, and little by little he started kissing her and touching her.

She asked him, "What will we name our baby?"

The boy found some excuse and disappeared. Some time later, the same thing happened again. A boy started to kiss her neck, her shoulders...

She stopped him and asked about the baby's name, and he ran off.

A while later, another boy invited her for a walk. After a few minutes, he started kissing her, and she asked him, "What will we name our baby?"

He continued, now slowly taking her clothes off.

"What will our baby be called?" she asked once more.

He began to have sex with her.

"What will we name our baby?" she asked once more.

After he was done, he took off his condom, gave it a knot, and said, "If he gets out of this one we'll name him David Copperfield!"

Time off

Two factory workers, a man and a blonde woman, were talking.

"I know how to get some time off from work." said the man.

"How do you think you’ll do that?" said the blonde.

He proceeded to show her. He climbed up to the rafters, and hung upside down.

The boss walked in, saw the worker hanging from the ceiling, and asked him what on earth he was doing?

With a straight face the man answered, "I'm a light bulb."

"I think you need some time off," said the boss.

So, the man jumped down and walked out of the factory.

The blonde began walking out too and boss asked her where she thought she was going.

"Home," she said, "I can't work in the dark."

Stamps

A blonde woman goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?"

The clerk says, "What denomination?"

The blonde says, "God help us. Has it come to this? All right then, give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists."

Union Shop

A dedicated Teamsters union worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas and, as you would expect, decided to check out the local brothels. When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, "Is this a union house?"

"No," she replied, "I'm sorry it isn't."

"Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"

"The house gets $80 and the girls get $20," she answered.

Mightily offended at such unfair dealings, the union man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop. His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the Madam responded, "Why yes sir, this certainly is a union house. We observe all union rules."

The man asked, "And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"

"The girls get $80 and the house gets $20."

"That's more like it!" the union man said. He handed the Madam $100, looked around the room and pointed to a most stunningly attractive blonde. "I'd like her," he said.

"I'm sure you would, sir," said the Madam. Then she gestured to a 92-year old woman in the corner, "but Ethel here has 67 years seniority and she's next."