A mother was very concerned over a paper her 7-year old brought home from school. On one page the child was asked what he would like to learn about.
Her son had written in large letters: IN SEX
She was quite startled until she realized that he meant "insects."
She gave him a book about insects and a bag of plastic bugs.
March 23, 2008
What Does Your Daddy Do ...
Little David was in his 4th grade class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living.
All the typical answers came up -- fireman, policeman, salesman, doctor, lawyer, etc.
David was being uncharacteristically quiet, so the teacher asked him about his father.
With some reluctance David said, "My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other men and they put money in his underwear. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he will go home with some guy and have sex with him for money."
The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some exercises and took little David aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your father?"
"No," said David. "He really works for the Elect Hillary Clinton Committee, but I was too embarrassed to tell the truth in front of the other kids."
All the typical answers came up -- fireman, policeman, salesman, doctor, lawyer, etc.
David was being uncharacteristically quiet, so the teacher asked him about his father.
With some reluctance David said, "My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other men and they put money in his underwear. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he will go home with some guy and have sex with him for money."
The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some exercises and took little David aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your father?"
"No," said David. "He really works for the Elect Hillary Clinton Committee, but I was too embarrassed to tell the truth in front of the other kids."
Politics
Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession.
I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
Lion Tamer
A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up. One is a good looking older man in his mid-sixties and the other is a gorgeous blonde in her mid-twenties.
The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you guys better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment --chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?"
The woman says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About half way there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body. The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her ankles. He continues to lick her calves, kisses them, licks and kisses her privates for several minutes and rests his head at her feet.
The circus owner's mouth is on the floor. He says, "I've never seen a display like that in my life." He then turns to the older man and asks, "Can you top that?"
The older man says, "No problem. Just get that lion out of the way."
The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you guys better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment --chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?"
The woman says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About half way there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body. The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her ankles. He continues to lick her calves, kisses them, licks and kisses her privates for several minutes and rests his head at her feet.
The circus owner's mouth is on the floor. He says, "I've never seen a display like that in my life." He then turns to the older man and asks, "Can you top that?"
The older man says, "No problem. Just get that lion out of the way."
Ruth & Golda
Two Jewish sisters-in-law (Ruth and Golda) meet on the street. Ruth says to Golda, "Such news I got for you, Golda! My Irvingis finally getting married. He tells me he is engaged to this wonderful Jewish girl, but he thinks the poor darling may have some strange illness called herpes."
After offering congratulations, Golda says to Ruth, "So, Ruthie, do you have any idea what is this herpes, and can our Irving catch it?"
Ruth answers, "God forbid! But his Papa and I are just so happy to hear about his engagement. You know how we've all worried about him. It's past time he's settled with a nice girl. As far as the herpes goes, who knows?"
"Well," Golda says, "I have a very fine medical dictionary, you know, Ruthie. I'll just run home right now and look it up and call you."
So, Golda goes home, looks it up, and calls Ruth excitedly, "Ruth! Ruth! Thank goodness, I found it. Not to worry, Ruthie! It says herpes is a disease of the gentiles."
After offering congratulations, Golda says to Ruth, "So, Ruthie, do you have any idea what is this herpes, and can our Irving catch it?"
Ruth answers, "God forbid! But his Papa and I are just so happy to hear about his engagement. You know how we've all worried about him. It's past time he's settled with a nice girl. As far as the herpes goes, who knows?"
"Well," Golda says, "I have a very fine medical dictionary, you know, Ruthie. I'll just run home right now and look it up and call you."
So, Golda goes home, looks it up, and calls Ruth excitedly, "Ruth! Ruth! Thank goodness, I found it. Not to worry, Ruthie! It says herpes is a disease of the gentiles."
Grouchy Mom
I'd had a pretty hectic day with my four-year-old. When bedtime finally came, I laid down the law and gruffly said, "We're putting on your p.j.s, brushing your teeth, and reading ONE book. Then it's lights out!”
Her arms went around my neck in a gentle embrace, and she said, "We learned in Sunday school about little boys and girls who don't have mommies and daddies."
Even after I'd been such a grouch, I thought, she was still grateful to have me. I felt tears begin to well up in my eyes, and then she whispered, "Maybe you could go be THEIR mom?"
Her arms went around my neck in a gentle embrace, and she said, "We learned in Sunday school about little boys and girls who don't have mommies and daddies."
Even after I'd been such a grouch, I thought, she was still grateful to have me. I felt tears begin to well up in my eyes, and then she whispered, "Maybe you could go be THEIR mom?"
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