Three men are sitting and talking about the last birthday present they bought for their wives.
The first one says, "I bought my wife something that goes from 0 to 100 in 6 seconds!"
The other two ask him what he got her.
"I got her a Porsche. And she's never been happier in her life."
The next guy says, "I know what you mean. I bought MY wife something that goes from 0 to 100 in 4 seconds! - and she's on cloud nine!"
"That could only be a Ferrari," the other two say.
"What did you give your wife for her birthday?" they ask the third.
"Now, I don't want to brag, but I bought my wife something that goes from 0 to 200 in 2 seconds!"
"No way," say the other two, "That's way faster than the Ferrari, and the Ferrari's the fastest thing there is!"
"Nope" the third man says, “I got my wife something faster. But the funny thing is, she's really not all that happy about the fact that it goes from zero to 200 in 2 seconds."
"Wow," one of the men said, "That's hard to believe. Just what in the Hell is it?"
The third fellow smiles and says, “I got her a new bathroom scale.”
June 29, 2008
Unusual Condition
When Ralph first noticed that his penis was growing larger and staying erect longer, he was delighted, as was his wife.
But after several weeks, his penis had grown to nearly twenty inches. Ralph became quite concerned as he was having problems dressing, and even walking.
So he and his wife went to see a prominent urologist. After an initial examination, the doctor explained to the couple that, though rare, Ralph's condition could be fixed through corrective surgery.
"How long will Ralph be on crutches?" the wife asked anxiously.
"Crutches? Why would he need crutches?" responded the surprised doctor.
"Well," said the wife coldly, "You're gonna lengthen his legs, aren't you?"
But after several weeks, his penis had grown to nearly twenty inches. Ralph became quite concerned as he was having problems dressing, and even walking.
So he and his wife went to see a prominent urologist. After an initial examination, the doctor explained to the couple that, though rare, Ralph's condition could be fixed through corrective surgery.
"How long will Ralph be on crutches?" the wife asked anxiously.
"Crutches? Why would he need crutches?" responded the surprised doctor.
"Well," said the wife coldly, "You're gonna lengthen his legs, aren't you?"
A Dentist?
A guy and a girl met at a bar. They got along so well that they decided to go back to the girl's place.
A few drinks later, the guy took off his shirt and then washed his hands.
He then took off his trousers, and washed his hands again.
The girl had been watching him and said, "You must be a dentist."
The guy, surprised, said, "Yes, how did you figure that out?"
"Easy," she replied, "you keep washing your hands.”
One thing led to another, and they made love. Afterward, the girl said, "You must be a good dentist."
The guy, now with a boosted ego, said, "Sure, I'm a good dentist, but how did you figure that out?"
“Because,” she said "I didn't feel a thing!"
A few drinks later, the guy took off his shirt and then washed his hands.
He then took off his trousers, and washed his hands again.
The girl had been watching him and said, "You must be a dentist."
The guy, surprised, said, "Yes, how did you figure that out?"
"Easy," she replied, "you keep washing your hands.”
One thing led to another, and they made love. Afterward, the girl said, "You must be a good dentist."
The guy, now with a boosted ego, said, "Sure, I'm a good dentist, but how did you figure that out?"
“Because,” she said "I didn't feel a thing!"
Sign Language in Paris
A furniture dealer from Arkansas decided that he wanted to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris, France to see what he could find.
After arriving in Paris (this being his first trip ever to the French capitol), he met with some manufacturers and finally selected a line that he thought would sell well back home in Arkansas.
To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a small bistro and have a glass of wine. As he sat enjoying his wine, he noticed that the small place was quite crowded, and that the one other chair at his table was the only vacant seat in the house.
Before long, a very beautiful young Parisian girl came to his table, asked him something in French (which he did not understand), and motioned toward the chair. He invited her to sit down.
He tried to speak to her in English, but she didn't speak his language so, after a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass and showed it her. She nodded, and he ordered a glass of wine for her.
After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin, and drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded. So, they left the bistro and found a quiet café that featured a small group playing romantic music.
They ordered dinner, and after eating he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing. She nodded, and they got up to dance. They danced until the café closed and the band was packing up.
Back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drewa picture of a four-poster bed.
To this day, he has no idea how she figured out he was in the furniture business....
After arriving in Paris (this being his first trip ever to the French capitol), he met with some manufacturers and finally selected a line that he thought would sell well back home in Arkansas.
To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a small bistro and have a glass of wine. As he sat enjoying his wine, he noticed that the small place was quite crowded, and that the one other chair at his table was the only vacant seat in the house.
Before long, a very beautiful young Parisian girl came to his table, asked him something in French (which he did not understand), and motioned toward the chair. He invited her to sit down.
He tried to speak to her in English, but she didn't speak his language so, after a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass and showed it her. She nodded, and he ordered a glass of wine for her.
After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin, and drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded. So, they left the bistro and found a quiet café that featured a small group playing romantic music.
They ordered dinner, and after eating he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing. She nodded, and they got up to dance. They danced until the café closed and the band was packing up.
Back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drewa picture of a four-poster bed.
To this day, he has no idea how she figured out he was in the furniture business....
Thank You, Dr. Smith
A flat-chested young lady went to Dr. Smith for advice about enlarging her breasts.
He told her, "Everyday when you get out of the shower, rub your nipples and say, "Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies."
She did this faithfully for several months, and it worked! She grew great boobs!
One morning, she was running late and when she was on the bus, she realized she had forgotten her morning ritual. At this point, she loved her new boobs and didn'twant to lose them, so she got up, right in the middle ofthe bus, and said, "Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies."
A guy was sitting nearby and asked her, "Do you go to Dr. Smith by any chance?"
"Why, yes, I do. How did you know?" she said.
He leaned toward her, winked, and whispered, "Hickory dickory dock ."
He told her, "Everyday when you get out of the shower, rub your nipples and say, "Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies."
She did this faithfully for several months, and it worked! She grew great boobs!
One morning, she was running late and when she was on the bus, she realized she had forgotten her morning ritual. At this point, she loved her new boobs and didn'twant to lose them, so she got up, right in the middle ofthe bus, and said, "Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies."
A guy was sitting nearby and asked her, "Do you go to Dr. Smith by any chance?"
"Why, yes, I do. How did you know?" she said.
He leaned toward her, winked, and whispered, "Hickory dickory dock ."
New Age "Bird & Bees"
A little boy asks his father, "Daddy, how was I born?"
Dad responds, "Well son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway. Well, you see, your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little Popup appeared and said: You've got male!"
Dad responds, "Well son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway. Well, you see, your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little Popup appeared and said: You've got male!"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)