Understandable Situation

A sixteen year-old boy came home with a Porsche and his parents began to yell and scream, "Where did you get that car?”

He calmly told them, "I bought it today."

"With what money?" demanded his parents. "We know what a Porsche costs."

"Well," said the boy, "this one cost me fifteen dollars."

So the parents began to yell even louder. "Who would sell a car like that for fifteen dollars?" they said.

"It was the lady up the street," said the boy. "I don't know her name; they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Porsche for fifteen dollars."

"Oh my Goodness," moaned the mother, "She must be a child abuser. Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what's going on," demanded the Mother.

The boy's father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting petunias. He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a Porsche for fifteen dollars and demanded to know why she did it.

"Well," she said, "this morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a business trip, but learned from a friend he has run off to Hawaii with his secretary and really doesn't intend to come back. He claimed he was stranded and asked me to sell his new Porsche and send him the money. So I did."

Can They Survive?

Two men crashed in their private plane on a deserted South Pacific island. Both survived.

One of the men brushed himself off and proceeded to run all over the island to see if they had any chance of survival. When he returned, he rushed up to the other man and screamed, "This island is uninhabited. There is no food - there is no water. We are going to die!"

The other man leaned back against the fuselage of the wrecked plane, folded his arms, and responded, "No, we're not. I make over $250,000 a month."

The first man grabbed his friend and shook him. "Listen, we are on an uninhabited island. There is no food, no water, and we are going to die!"

The other man, unruffled, again responded, "No, we are not! I make over $250,000 a month!"

Mystified, the first man, taken aback with such an answer, repeated loudly and slowly, "For ... the ... last ... time ... I'm ... telling ... you ... There is no food ... There is no water ... I repeat, WE ... ARE ... GOING ... TO ... DIE ... A ... SLOW ... DEATH!"

Still unfazed, the other man looked the first man in the eyes and said, "Do not make me say this again. I make over $250,000 a month. I TITHE. My pastor will find us!"

Different States ...

Four women were driving across the country. Each one was from a different state: Idaho, Nebraska, Florida and New York.

Shortly after the trip began, the woman from Idaho started pulling potatoes from her bag and throwing them out of the window.

"What the heck are you doing?" demanded the Nebraskan.

"We have so many of these darn things in Idaho, I am just sick of looking at them!"

A moment later, the gal from Nebraska began pulling ears of corn from her bag and tossing them from the window.

"What are you doing that for?" asked the gal from Florida.

"We have so many of these things in Nebraska, I am just sick of looking at them!"

Inspired, the gal from Florida opened the car door and pushed the New Yorker out.

Conversation on a Plane

A guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde. He immediately turns to her and makes his move. "You know," he says, “I’ve heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let's talk."

The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to the guy, "What would you like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know,” says the guy, "How about nuclear power?"

"OK," says the blonde. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?"

The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, "I haven't the slightest idea."

"So tell me," says the blonde, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"

Help From Above ...

Pete, a good Catholic from Baltimore, was driving down the street in a panic because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.

Looking up toward heaven, he said, "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up whisky."

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Pete looked up again and said, "Never mind, Lord. I found one."

What's That For?

A very old couple who have been married for ever are sitting on the porch one night.

Suddenly, the old woman reaches over and smacks her husband, knocking him off the porch and into the bushes.

He crawls back up and asks, "What the hell was that for?"

She says, "For having a little pecker."

He sits there quietly a moment. Then he smacks her, sending her off the other side of the porch and into the bushes.

She crawls back and says, "What the hell was that for?"

He says, "For knowing there was more than one size."