A newlywed couple arrived back from honeymoon to move into their tiny new flat.
"Care to go to bed?" the husband asked.
"Shh!" said his blushing bride. "These walls are paper thin. The neighbours will know what you mean! Next time, ask me in code - like, 'Have you left the washing machine door open' - instead."
So, the following night, the husband asks: "I don't suppose you left the washing machine door open, darling?"
"No," she snapped back, "I definitely shut it." Then she rolled over and fell asleep.
The next morning, she woke up feeling a little frisky herself, so she nudged her husband and said: "I think I did leave the washing machine door open after all..."
"Don't worry," said the man. "It was only a small load so I did it by hand."
May 30, 2009
May 29, 2009
May 19, 2009
May 03, 2009
West Virginia Education ...
Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
Midwest and New York
A lady from Chicago was visiting New York City. Her hostess was determined to make the Midwesterner feel cheap and unimportant.
"My dear," said the New York matron snobbishly, "Here in the East we think breeding is everything."
"Oh, I don't know," the lady from the Midwest replied. "Out where I come from we think it's fun, too, but we try to have a few outside interests as well."
"My dear," said the New York matron snobbishly, "Here in the East we think breeding is everything."
"Oh, I don't know," the lady from the Midwest replied. "Out where I come from we think it's fun, too, but we try to have a few outside interests as well."
Stadium Ritual
A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand. There's a hole in one of the bags, and every once in a while a $20 bill is flying out of it onto thepavement.
Noticing this a policeman stops her... "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."
"Damn!" says the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can still find some. Thanks for the warning!"
"Well now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that money? Did you steal it?"
"Oh, no," says the little old lady. "You see, my back yard backs up to the parking lot of the football stadium. Each time there's a game, a lot of fans come and pee in the bushes right into my flower beds! So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper and each time someone sticks his little thingie through the bushes I say, "$20 or offit comes!"
"Hey, not a bad idea!" laughs the cop. "By the way, what's in the other bag?"
"Well", says the little old lady, "Not all of them pay up."
Noticing this a policeman stops her... "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."
"Damn!" says the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can still find some. Thanks for the warning!"
"Well now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that money? Did you steal it?"
"Oh, no," says the little old lady. "You see, my back yard backs up to the parking lot of the football stadium. Each time there's a game, a lot of fans come and pee in the bushes right into my flower beds! So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper and each time someone sticks his little thingie through the bushes I say, "$20 or offit comes!"
"Hey, not a bad idea!" laughs the cop. "By the way, what's in the other bag?"
"Well", says the little old lady, "Not all of them pay up."
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