Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess ...“Will you marry me?”The Princess said “NO!” And the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf and dated women half his age and drank beer and scotch and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.The End
A major research institution has just announced the discovery of the densest element yet known to science. The new element has been named Pelosium.Pelosium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 311.These particles are held together by dark forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. The symbol of Pelosium is PU.Pelosium's mass actually increases over time, as morons randomly interact with various elements in the atmosphere and become assistant deputy neutrons within the Pelosium molecule, leading to the formation of isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientist to believe that Pelosium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass. When catalyzed with money, Pelosium activates CNNadnausium, an element that radiates orders of magnitude more energy, albeit as incoherent noise, since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons as Pelosium.
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Friendship between Women:A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 closest friends. None of them knew anything about it.Friendship between Men:A man didn't come home one night. The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 closest friends, eight of which confirmed that he had slept over and two that said he was still there.
A WOMAN'S LOVE POEM Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man who's not a creep. One who's handsome, smart and strong.One who loves to listen long.One who thinks before he speaks.One who'll call, not wait for weeks. I pray he's gainfully employed.When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.Pulls out my chair and opens my door. Massages my back and begs to do more. Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind.Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"I pray that this man will love me to no end, And always be my very best friend.A MAN'S LOVE POEM I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac withhuge boobs who owns a bar on a golf course,and loves to send me fishing and hunting. Thisdoesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit.
