The Husband Store ...

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband.   Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights.   The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

'That's nice,' she thinks, 'But I want more.'

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.  'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

 
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.
'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor.   There are no men on this floor.   This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.  Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.


PLEASE NOTE:


To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

Investment Opportunity

Interested in an Investment Opportunity ...

I thought you might want to consider getting on board early.

A British Engineer just started his own business in Afghanistan.

He’s making land mines that look like prayer mats.

It’s doing very well.

He says prophets are going through the roof …

Thoughts on LIFE ...

EIGHT THOUGHTS ON LIFE:

Number 8

Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 7

Good Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 6

Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you don’t see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.

Number 5

Give a Person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a Person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.

Number 4

Health Nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the Hospitals, dying of nothing.

Number 3

All of us could take a lesson from the weather.   It pays no attention to criticism.

Number 2

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird.   Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

And … The Number 1 Thought

Life is like a jar of Jalapeno Peppers - what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.

Isn't It Obvious ...

NASA’s robot “Curiosity” landed on Mars.

Early pictures show no signs of ESPN, beer or porn.

This makes it very clear that Men are NOT from Mars.

Really?

I want one of those jobs where people ask,

    “Do you actually get paid for doing this?”

Too Smart for the 1st Grade

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?"

Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1^st grade. My sister is in the 3^rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3^rd grade too!"

The boy continued to insist and Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1^stgrade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"

Harry: "9"

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"

Harry: "36"

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3^rd grader should know. The principal looked at Ms. Brooks and said, "I think Harry can go to the 3^rd grade."

Ms. Brooks said to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions."

The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asked, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"

Harry, after a moment answered, "Legs."

Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"

The principal wondered, why she asked such a question!

Harry replied: "Pockets."

Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"

Harry: "Pants"

Ms. Brooks: “What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval and contains thin, whitish liquid?”

Harry: "Coconut."

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"

The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry said, "Bubble gum."

Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?"

Harry: "Shake hands."

The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?"

Harry: "Firetruck."

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong.“