Alas ... the Chinese Doctor

While in China, a man was very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom all the time he is there. A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots.

Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor.

The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results.

The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says, “I've got bad news for you. You've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here, we know very little about it.”

The man looks a little perplexed and says, “Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, doc.”

The doctor answers, “I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to have to amputate it.”

The man screams in horror, “Absolutely not! I want a second opinion.”

The doctor replies, “Well, go ahead, if you want but surgery is your only choice.”

The next day the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease. The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims, “Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Vewy ware disease.”

The guy says to the doctor, “Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what can we do? My American doctor wants to operate and amputate it!”

The Chinese doctor shakes his head, laughs and says, “Stupid American docttah, always want to opawate. Mow money dat way. No need to amputate!”

“Oh, thank God!” the man replies.

“Yes,” says the Chinese doctor, “Wait two weeks ... fawl off by self!”

Hail the Medicine Man

On his 74th birthday, a man got a gift certificate from his wife. The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction.

After being persuaded, he drove to the reservation, handed his ticket to the medicine man and wondered what he was in for.

The medicine man slowly, methodically produced a potion, handed it to him and with a grip on his shoulder, warned, 'This is powerful medicine. It must be respected. You take only teaspoonful and then say '1-2-3.' When you do that, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform as long as you want."

The old man was encouraged. As he walked away, he turned and asked, "How do I stop the medicine from working?"

"Your partner must say '1-2-3-4,'" he responded, "but when she does, the medicine will not work again until next full moon."

The old man was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom. When she came in, he took off his clothes and said, "1-2-3!" and immediately, he was the manliest of men.

His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes and then she asked, "What was the 1-2-3 for?"

And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition ... because we could end up with a dangling participle.

Who Sank the Titanic?

A plane leaves Heathrow Airport under the control of a Jewish captain. His copilot is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown together and an awkward silence between the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike.

Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish captain activates the auto-pilot, leans back in his seat, and mutters, "I don't like Chinese."

"No rike Chinese?" asks the copilot, "Why not?"

"You people bombed Pearl Harbor, that's why!"

"No, no," the co-pilot protests, "Chinese not bomb Peahl Hahbah. That Japanese, not Chinese."

"Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese ... doesn't matter. You're all alike."

There's a few minutes of silence ... "I no rike Jews," the copilot suddenly announces.

"Oh yeah, why not?" Asks the captain.

"Jews sink Titanic." says the co-pilot.

"What? That's insane! Jews didn't sink the Titanic!" exclaims the captain, "It was an iceberg."

"Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg, Rosenberg , nomattah...all same."

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