February 25, 2019
February 22, 2019
February 19, 2019
February 16, 2019
Education Fail
Proper attire is
required in the cafeteria at the University of Maine. To enforce
that rule, the management posted this notice: Shoes are required
to eat in this cafeteria.
Next to it a student added, "Socks can eat wherever they want."
Next to it a student added, "Socks can eat wherever they want."
February 04, 2019
ALERT!
Condoms do not guarantee safe Sex!
A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband.
A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband.
Can't Take The Chance
A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to
Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away.
The undertaker told the husband, “You can have her buried
here in the Holy Land for $150 or we can have her shipped back home for
$5,000.”
The husband thought about it and told the undertaker he would have her shipped back home.
The undertaker asked him, “Why would you spend $5,000 to have her shipped back home when you can have a beautiful burial here, and it would only cost $150?”
The husband replied, “Long ago, a man died here, was
buried here, and three days later, rose from the dead. I just don’t want to
take that chance.”
February 02, 2019
Should Have Seen It Coming
The teacher said, "Class, today's assignment is to spell and use the word 'DOUGH' in a sentence."
Teacher says "Jane, you go first.”
Jane stands and says, “Dough, D O U G H. Italians make pizza with dough.”
“Very good, Jane. Now let's hear from Mary,” says the teacher.
Mary stands and says, “Dough, D O U G H. My brother makes things with play dough.”
“Very good, Mary,” says the teacher as she sees Johnny waving his hand. "Yes, Johnny, do you have something constructive to add?”
Without standing Johnny says, “My mom says my dad doesn't make enough money and that he's bloody hopeless in bed, so she uses a dill dough!”
First Time With My Son
I was reading an article last night about fathers and sons, and memories came flooding back of the time I took my son out for his first drink.
Off we went to our local bar, which is only two blocks from the house.
I got him a Guinness Stout. He didn't like it so I drank it.
Then I got him an Old Style, he didn't like it either, so I drank it.
It was the same with the Coors and the Bud.
By the time we got down to the Irish whiskey, I could hardly push the stroller back home.
I'm Beggin'
A thief entered a house mid-afternoon.
He tied up the woman and at knife-point asked the man to hand over the jewelry and money.
The man started sobbing and said, “You can take anything you want. You can kill me. But please untie the rope and free her.”
The thief was surprised and said, “You must really love your wife!”
“No,” the man answered, “But she will be home shortly.”
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