Happy New Year!

 

The Hazards of Winter

 

Honestly... What Were They Thinking?

 

Some Things Are Just Too Obvious

 

Do We Really NEED These Signs?

 

Honestly?

Is this a community with too much money to spend? 

One More For The Sea Gulls

He had to know this would happen 

Merry Christmas!

 

You Want Cyanide?

 

A lady went to the pharmacy and walked up to the pharmacist, looked him straight in the eyes and said, "I need to buy a bottle of cyanide."

The pharmacist the asked, "Why on earth do you need to buy cyanide?"

The woman said, "Because I'm going to kill my husband."

The pharmacist then said, "Absolutely not, I can't sell you cyanide knowing that you're wanting it to kill your husband. That would make me an accessory to a murder." 

The woman reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife and showed it to him.

The pharmacist said, "Well that's a little different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

Short Cut?

 

He Tired of Waiting in Line

Couldn't Believe My Eyes

As John Wayne said, 

"Life is difficult. It's really difficult if you're stupid."  

How Dumb Are We?

 

Three Kick Rule

 

A big city New York lawyer went duck hunting in rural Texas. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.

The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going into retrieve it."

The old farmer replied. "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."

The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in Texas. We settle small disagreements like this with the Texas Three Kick Rule."

The lawyer asked, "What is the Texas Three Kick Rule?"

The farmer replied, "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up."

The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's shin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick landed square on the man's nose. The barrister was flat on his belly when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up.

The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, you old coot, now it's my turn!"

The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck."

Someone Actually Planned This

 

Drinking With A Texas Girl

A Twist on an old joke 

A Mexican, an Arab, and a Texas girl are in the same bar.

When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces.

He says, “In Mexico, our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink with the same one twice.”

The Arab, obviously impressed by this, drinks his glass of non-alcohol beer (cuz he's a Muslim!), throws it into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces. 

He says, “In the Arab world, we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink with the same one twice either.”

The Texas girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer, downs it in one gulp, throws the glass into the air, whips out her 45, and shoots the Mexican and the Arab.

Catching her glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, she says, “In Texas, we have so many illegal aliens that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice.”

Show Us Your Happy Face

 

Halfass?

 

Gender Matters!

 

Are You Old Enough to Understand This?

 

Rednecks Find A Way

 

What Did You Say?

 

China Is Concerned About Our Safety

 

My Christmas Gift

 

Yeah, Baby!

 

How Do You Identify?

 

I'm Ready!

 

Tent Opening

Oh yeah... I want to crawl into that tent! 

But what about crawling Out of it?

Redneck Convenience?

 

Eat and Go?

Notice To Elephants

 

I didn't know they could read

We ALL Learned It

 

All Cats - All The Time

 

Never Let A Good Sex Doll Go To Waste

 

This Is Going To Get Ugly