September 30, 2019
Here's to Good Health
Recently I was talking with an elderly aunt who is over
90. I asked about her secret for a long life and good health. Here is her
reply.
“For better digestion – I drink beer.
In the case of appetite loss, I drink white wine.
In the case of low blood pressure, I drink red wine.
In the case of high blood pressure, I drink scotch.
And when I have a cold, I drink Schnapps."
"When do you drink water?" I asked.
She smiled and answered, "I've never been that sick."
“For better digestion – I drink beer.
In the case of appetite loss, I drink white wine.
In the case of low blood pressure, I drink red wine.
In the case of high blood pressure, I drink scotch.
And when I have a cold, I drink Schnapps."
"When do you drink water?" I asked.
She smiled and answered, "I've never been that sick."
There's a Simple Reason
The mother-in-law arrives home from shopping to find her
son-in-law, Paddy, in a steaming rage and hurriedly packing his suitcase.
“What happened,
Paddy?” she asked anxiously.
“What happened?
I’ll tell you what happened! I sent an email to my wife telling her I was
coming home from my fishing trip today. So, when I get home. Can you be
guessin’ what I found? Your daughter, my wife, Jean, naked with Joe Murphy in
our marital bed! This is just unforgivable!”
“This is the end
of our marriage. I’m done. I’m leaving forever!” Paddy fumed.
“Aw now, calm
down, Paddy,” the mother-in-law insisted. “There is something very odd going on
here. Jean would never do such a thing. There must be a very simple explanation
for this. Now then, you just let me go speak to Jean, and I’ll find out what
happened.”
Moments later,
the mother-in-law came back wearing a big smile.
“There now,
Paddy,” she said. “I told you it would be a simple explanation, and it is. Jean
never got your email!
September 27, 2019
September 24, 2019
September 19, 2019
September 17, 2019
September 14, 2019
September 13, 2019
September 06, 2019
September 05, 2019
September 01, 2019
Could It Be?
Working as a cargo handler for a major package delivery
company, I came across an express envelope with shipping instructions that puzzled
me, particularly the line describing the contents.
I finally realized the parcel contained some kind of
manual and was addressed to a local church, but at first I thought I was
processing one of our company's most momentous pieces of freight.
The description read, "Instructions for the Assembly
of God."
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