December 25, 2019
December 23, 2019
December 10, 2019
December 08, 2019
December 02, 2019
New Free Urinalysis
Simple do it yourself diagnostics:
Fast for eighteen hours and then go out in the yard and pee.
If ants congregate... diabetes
If you wet your toes... prostate
If when cold out the mist smells like a roast... cholesterol
If when shaking it your wrist hurts... arthritis
If your member is hanging out when you go back in the house... Alzheimer’s
December 01, 2019
November 29, 2019
November 23, 2019
November 21, 2019
November 15, 2019
November 09, 2019
November 04, 2019
Words of Wisdom
Words if Wisdom from Joe Arpaio:
“A liberal’s paradise would be a place where everybody has guaranteed employment, free comprehensive healthcare, free education, free food, free housing, free clothing, free utilities, and only law enforcement has guns. And believe it or not, such a place does indeed already exist: It's called Prison."
Former Sheriff Joe Arpaio
Maricopa County, Arizona
Former Sheriff Joe Arpaio
Maricopa County, Arizona
Words of Wisdom from some Texas Ranchers:
“Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.”
“Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.” (You could substitute ‘lawyers’ for bankers.)
“Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.” (You could substitute ‘lawyers’ for bankers.)
“Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.”
“Words that soak into your ears are whispered… not yelled.”
“Meanness don't just happen overnight.”
“It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.”
“Every path has a few puddles.”
“It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.”
“Every path has a few puddles.”
Five Rules to Remember in life…
1. Money cannot buy happiness, but it’s more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle.
2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the bastard’s name.
3. Help someone when they are in trouble, and they will remember you when they're in trouble again.
4. Many people are alive only because it’s illegal to shoot them.
5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then, neither does milk.
Daylight Saving Time Problem
After Daylight Savings Time ended, I stopped in to visit my dyslexic friend.
He was busy covering his penis with black shoe polish.
I said to him, "You idiot! You're supposed to turn your clock back!”
October 31, 2019
October 30, 2019
October 25, 2019
October 22, 2019
October 21, 2019
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