March 25, 2020

SEND YOURS IN TODAY!




Great news!

The US Center For Disease Control has introduced a new Coronavirus test where no hospital or lab visit is necessary.

In fact, you don’t even need to leave your home.

All you need to do is mail a stool sample to:

Nancy Pelosi
1236 Longworth H.O.B
Washington, DC 20515

Direct any questions to (202) 225-4965.

Note: larger samples give more accurate results.


Differing Views on Guns





You may have heard on the news about a Southern California man who was put under 72-hour psychiatric observation when it was found he owned 100 guns and allegedly had 100,000 rounds of ammunition stored in his home. The house also featured a secret escape tunnel.

By Southern California standards, someone owning 100,000 rounds is considered "mentally unstable."

However...

In Michigan, he'd be called "the last white guy still living in Detroit."

In Arizona, he'd be called "an avid gun collector."

In Oklahoma, he'd be called "a novice gun collector."

In Utah, he'd be called "moderately well prepared," but they'd probably reserve judgment until they made sure that he had a corresponding quantity of stored food."

In Kansas, he'd be "A guy down the road you would want to have for a friend."

In Montana, he'd be called "The neighborhood 'Go-To' guy."

In Idaho, he'd be called "a likely gubernatorial candidate."

In Georgia, he'd be called "an eligible bachelor."

In North Carolina, Virginia, WV, Mississippi, Tennessee, Kentucky, South Carolina, Pennsylvania and Minnesota, he would be called "a deer hunting buddy."

And of course, In TEXAS, he’d just be "BUBBA; Who’s a little short of Ammo.”

March 21, 2020

Love in Ireland





Michael Hoolihan was courting Frances Phelan.  The young couple sat in the parlor of the girl's house night after night, much to the annoyance of old man Phelan.

One night he couldn't take any more.  Standing at the top of the stairs, he yelled down, "What's that young fella doin' here all hours of the night?"

"Why, Dad," said Frances, "Michael was just telling me everything that's in his heart!"

"Well, next time," roared Phelan, "Just let him tell you what's in his head, and it won't take half as long!"