How Hot Is It In Florida?

How to tell you’re in Florida in the Summer:

Hot water now comes out of both taps.

You can make sun tea instantly.

The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a little chilly.

You discover that in July it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car.

You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.

Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"

You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

The birds have to use pot holders to pull worms out of the ground.

The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out and add butter, salt, and pepper.

Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs.

The cows are giving evaporated milk.

The trees are whistling for the dogs.

(This list also works in Texas)

Name That Scent

Delta Airlines is thinking of infusing its cabins with a lavender-and-chamomile scent called Calm. A newspaper asked its readers to come up with a better name to match “the ambiance of the packed economy cabin.”

Here are a few of the responses:

“Eau the Humanity”

 “Chanel No. 5 Inches of Legroom”

“Claustrophobique”

“Mist Connection”   

“The 99 Per-scent”

What would suggestions would you have sent them?

The "F" Word

In DESCENDING order we give you the acceptable times to have used The 'F' Word:
 

11.  "What the @#$% do you mean, we are sinking?"

           ~ Capt. E.J. Smith of RMS Titanic, 1912.
 

10.  "What the @#$% was that?"
 

           ~ Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945
 

9.  "Where did all those @#$%ing Indians come from?"

           ~ George Custer, 1877
 

8.  "Any @#$%ing idiot could understand that."

           ~ Albert Einstein, 1938.
 

7.  "It does so @#$%ing look like her!"

           ~ Picasso, 1926
 

6.  "How the @#$% did you work that out?"

           ~ Pythagoras, 126 BC.
 

5.  "You want WHAT on the @#$%ing ceiling?"
 

           ~ Michelangelo, 1566.
 

4.  "Where the @#$% are we?"
 

           ~ Amelia Earhart, 1937
 

3.  "Scattered @#$%ing showers, my ass!"
 

          ~ Noah, 4314 BC
 

2.  "Aw, come on Monica. Who the @#$% is going to find out?"

           ~ Bill Clinton, 1998
 

And The Best Use of The 'F' Word Is…
 

1.  "There is no @#$%ing way Trump will ever become President"
 

           ~ Hillary Clinton, 2016

 

New Diet Plan?

Democrats in Florida are Signing Up New Voters for the Blue Wave

For your education...

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