June 27, 2019
June 26, 2019
June 25, 2019
June 21, 2019
Talk To God...
This notice can now be found in French churches:
En entrant dans cette église, il est possible que vous entendiez l'appel de Dieu. Par contre, il n’est pas susceptible de vous contacter par téléphone. Merci d'avoir éteint votre téléphone. Si vous souhaitez parler à Dieu, entrez, choisissez un endroit tranquille et parle lui. Si vous souhaitez le voir, envoyez-lui un SMS en conduisant.
Translation: It is possible that on entering this church, you may hear the Call of God. On the other hand, it is not likely that he will contact you by phone. Thank you for turning off your phone. If you would like to talk to God, come in, choose a quiet place, and talk to him. If you would like to see him, send him a text while driving.
June 20, 2019
Consider the Proposal
John desperately wanted to have sex with a woman in his office, but she was married and just wasn’t interested in an affair.
One day John got so frustrated he called her into his office and said, "I'll give you a $1,000 if you let me have sex with you."
Without hesitation she replied, “NO.”
"I'll be fast,” He told her. “I'll throw the money on the floor; you bend down. I'll be finished by the time you pick it up."
Weakening somewhat she said, "I'll have to ask my husband." She pulled out her cell phone, called her husband and told him the story.
Her husband thought for about two seconds, excited about the idea of some easy money, and then replied, "Ask him for $2,000. When he throws it on the floor, quickly pick up the money and run. He won't even be able to get his pants down.
So with her husband’s agreement she accepted the proposal.
Half an hour later her husband still hadn't heard from her. So he called, and called, and called. No answer. Finally after a long hour she answered.
"What happened?" her husband asked anxiously.
"The bastard used coins."
Management Lesson - "Always consider a business proposal in its entirety before agreeing to it. Otherwise, you might get screwed."
A New Record!
Are you aware that a new world record has been set for
the HIGH JUMP from a KNEELING position?
The record (0.757 meters) - remember this is from a
KNEELING position, was set recently on a beach
near Montpelier in Southern France.
The photograph below was taken a split second before the
jump - but it gives you an idea as to how it was achieved..
June 17, 2019
Who Was The Inventor?
I'll bet you didn't know this!
Many of the newer cars have a Back-Up Sensor that warns the driver
before the rear bumper actually comes in contact with something. Who
invented this sensor?
I'll bet you think it was Ford, maybe GM; how about
Chrysler? No? Then how about Mercedes Benz, or possibly the French or
Italian car manufacturers?
Nope.
It was a Japanese farmer named Kawasaki...
His invention was simple and effective.
It emits a high-pitch
squeal just
before the vehicle itself backs into something.
Here’s a photo of his first prototype…
June 13, 2019
June 12, 2019
June 09, 2019
June 05, 2019
Please?
A golfer hits his ball into a yard next to the golf
course.
As he goes to get it a man in the yard says, "Don't
you see the sign? It says 'Private property - Stay Out!'"
The golfer says, "I'm sorry I didn’t see
it. That is my ball there. May I have it, please?"
The man says, "It's in my yard and so it's my ball
now."
The golfer looks at the man and says, "I
understand."
He then walks back to the golf cart, gets another golf
ball, then walks back and throws it into the yard.
The man says, "What is that for?"
The golfer replies, "I consider myself a gentleman,
and I believe every prick should have two balls."
June 02, 2019
When You're Old...
Now that I'm older here's what I've discovered…
1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
2. My wild oats have turned into prunes and all-bran.
3. I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.
4. If all is not lost, where is it?
5. Some days, you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.
6. The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom.
7. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my knees.
1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
2. My wild oats have turned into prunes and all-bran.
3. I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.
4. If all is not lost, where is it?
5. Some days, you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.
6. The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom.
7. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my knees.
8. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the
depth.
9. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the
hereafter: I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm hereafter.
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