January 29, 2019
January 28, 2019
I'll Bet On It!
Jack, a
handsome man, walked into a sports bar at 9:58 pm. He sat down at the bar
next to Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and stared up at the TV as the 10 o'clock news
came on.
The news
crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building, preparing to
jump.
Alexandria looked at Jack and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"
Jack said, "You know what, I bet he will."
Alexandria replied,
"Well, I bet he won't."
Jack placed $30 on the bar and said,
"You're on!”
Just as she
placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building,
falling to his death.
Alexandria was very upset and handed her $30 to Jack, saying,
"Fair's fair... Here's your money."
Jack replied, "I can't take
your money. I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and knew he would jump."
Alexandria
replied, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again." Jack took
the money. AOC went back to work in the U.S. Congress.
January 26, 2019
Attending a Lecture
Ron Marshall, who is 89 years of age, was stopped by the
police around 2 a.m.
The policeman asked the old fellow where he was going at
that time of night.
Ron replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about
alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking
and staying out late."
The officer asked, "Really? Who's giving that
lecture at this time of night?"
Ron replied, "That would be my wife."
A Blonde in Divorce Court
A judge was
interviewing a blonde haired woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked,
"What are the grounds for your divorce?"
She replied,
"About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property
with a stream running by."
"No,"
he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
"It is made
of concrete, brick, and mortar," she responded.
"I
mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"
"I have an
aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents."
He said, "Do
you have a real grudge?"
"No,"
she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed
one."
"Please,"
he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
"Yes, both
my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but
the answer to your question is yes."
"Ma'am, does
your husband ever beat you up?"
"Yes,"
she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."
Finally, in
frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?"
"Oh, I don't
want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My
husband does. He said he can't communicate with me!
Recollections from US History
Beyond a doubt, one
of the most significant statements
from Congress was made by Democrat House Speaker Sam Rayburn at the first
Congressional session after Ted Kennedy was caught, on camera, having sex
with one of his aides on the deck of his yacht.
Congressman Sam,
in his best southern drawl, said, "Ah see
that the good Senatuh from the great state of Massutwoshits has changed
his position on off-shore drilling.”
January 21, 2019
January 19, 2019
January 17, 2019
January 16, 2019
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