May 06, 2008
May 04, 2008
May 03, 2008
Talented Applicant
A local business was looking for office help and put a sign in the window saying: HELP WANTED. Must be a good typist and be good with a computer. Successful applicant must be bilingual. We are an Equal OpportunityEmployer.
A short time later a lovely golden retriever dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionistand wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it, whined and pawed the air.
The receptionist called the office manager. He was surprised, to say the least, to see a canine applicant. However, the dog looked determined, so he led him into the office.
Inside, the dog jumped up on a chair and stared at the manager expectantly. The manager said, "I can't hire you. The sign says you must be able to type."
The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to quickly type a perfect business letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager, gave it to him, then jumped back upon the chair.
The manager was stunned, but told the dog, "That was fantastic, but I'm sorry. The sign clearly says that whomever I hire has to be good with a computer."
The dog jumped down again, went to the computer and proceeded to demonstrate his expertise with various programs, produced a sample spreadsheet and database, then presented them to the manager.
The manager was dumbfounded! He said to the dog, "Hey, I realize that you are a very intelligent applicant and have fantastic talent, but you're a dog -- no way could I hire you."
The dog jumped down and went to the sign in the window and pointed his paw at the words, "Equal Opportunity Employer."
The exasperated manager said, "Yes, I know what the damned sign says. But the sign also says you have to be bilingual."
The dog looked him straight in the eye and said, "Meow."
A short time later a lovely golden retriever dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionistand wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it, whined and pawed the air.
The receptionist called the office manager. He was surprised, to say the least, to see a canine applicant. However, the dog looked determined, so he led him into the office.
Inside, the dog jumped up on a chair and stared at the manager expectantly. The manager said, "I can't hire you. The sign says you must be able to type."
The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to quickly type a perfect business letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager, gave it to him, then jumped back upon the chair.
The manager was stunned, but told the dog, "That was fantastic, but I'm sorry. The sign clearly says that whomever I hire has to be good with a computer."
The dog jumped down again, went to the computer and proceeded to demonstrate his expertise with various programs, produced a sample spreadsheet and database, then presented them to the manager.
The manager was dumbfounded! He said to the dog, "Hey, I realize that you are a very intelligent applicant and have fantastic talent, but you're a dog -- no way could I hire you."
The dog jumped down and went to the sign in the window and pointed his paw at the words, "Equal Opportunity Employer."
The exasperated manager said, "Yes, I know what the damned sign says. But the sign also says you have to be bilingual."
The dog looked him straight in the eye and said, "Meow."
Helpful Nurse
A man is lying in bed in the hospital with an oxygen mask over his face. A young nurse appears to sponge his hands and feet.
"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know. I'm only here to wash your hands and feet."
He struggles again to ask, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"
Finally, she pulls back the covers, raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in her other hand and takes a close look and says, "there's nothing wrong with them!"
Finally, the man pulls off his oxygen mask and says rather slowly, "That was very nice but, are --my--test--results--back?”
"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know. I'm only here to wash your hands and feet."
He struggles again to ask, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"
Finally, she pulls back the covers, raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in her other hand and takes a close look and says, "there's nothing wrong with them!"
Finally, the man pulls off his oxygen mask and says rather slowly, "That was very nice but, are --my--test--results--back?”
You're Beautiful
A man was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're beautiful." Then he fell asleep again.
His wife had never heard him say that, so she stayed by his side. A few minutes later, his eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're cute!"
The wife was disappointed because instead of "beautiful," it was now"cute."
She said, "What happened to 'beautiful'?"
The man replied, "The drugs are wearing off!"
His wife had never heard him say that, so she stayed by his side. A few minutes later, his eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're cute!"
The wife was disappointed because instead of "beautiful," it was now"cute."
She said, "What happened to 'beautiful'?"
The man replied, "The drugs are wearing off!"
Last Wishes ...
A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the third day out the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning.
After dusting themselves off, the nun and the priest surveyed their situation. After a long period of silence, the priest spoke. "Well, Sister, this looks pretty grim."
"I know, father," she said. "In fact, I don't think it likely that we can survive more than a day or two."
"I agree", says the Father. "Sister, since we are unlikely to make it out of here alive, would you do something for me?"
"Anything, Father."
"I have never seen a woman's breasts and I was wondering if I might see yours."
"Well, under the circumstances I don't see that it would do any harm." She opened her habit and the priest enjoyed the sight of her shapely breasts, commenting frequently on their beauty.
"Sister, would you mind if I touched them?"
She consented and he fondled them for several minutes.
"Father, could I ask something of you?"
"Of course, Sister. Anything," he said.
"I have never seen a man's penis. Could I see yours?"
"I suppose that would be OK," the priest replied lifting his robe.
"Oh Father, may I touch it?" she asked.
The priest consented and after afew minutes of fondling he was sporting a huge erection.
"Sister, you know that if I insert my penis in the right place, it can give life," he told her in a husky voice.
"Is that true father?"
"Yes, it is, Sister."
"Oh Father that's wonderful! Why don't you stick it in the camel and let's get the hell out of here!"
After dusting themselves off, the nun and the priest surveyed their situation. After a long period of silence, the priest spoke. "Well, Sister, this looks pretty grim."
"I know, father," she said. "In fact, I don't think it likely that we can survive more than a day or two."
"I agree", says the Father. "Sister, since we are unlikely to make it out of here alive, would you do something for me?"
"Anything, Father."
"I have never seen a woman's breasts and I was wondering if I might see yours."
"Well, under the circumstances I don't see that it would do any harm." She opened her habit and the priest enjoyed the sight of her shapely breasts, commenting frequently on their beauty.
"Sister, would you mind if I touched them?"
She consented and he fondled them for several minutes.
"Father, could I ask something of you?"
"Of course, Sister. Anything," he said.
"I have never seen a man's penis. Could I see yours?"
"I suppose that would be OK," the priest replied lifting his robe.
"Oh Father, may I touch it?" she asked.
The priest consented and after afew minutes of fondling he was sporting a huge erection.
"Sister, you know that if I insert my penis in the right place, it can give life," he told her in a husky voice.
"Is that true father?"
"Yes, it is, Sister."
"Oh Father that's wonderful! Why don't you stick it in the camel and let's get the hell out of here!"
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