Luck of the Irish

Paddy: "Your new secretary is very sexy."

Seamus: "Thanks!  She's actually a robot, named Doreen.  If you squeeze her right breast, she takes dictation and if you squeeze her left breast, she types letters.  She will work as long as you like, no complaining, no sick days, no medical, no dental.   She is the perfect employee.”

After Paddy sounded impressed, Seamus said, “I'll lend her to you for a day and you can see how functional and efficient she is."

Next day, Paddy called Seamus from the hospital and shouted, "Seamus … You bastard!  You didn't tell me that the hole between Doreen's legs is a pencil sharpener."