Things it took me too long to learn...

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

5. Men are like fine wine.  They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.