Aging Truths

 

Reading can seriously damage your ignorance

The ability to speak several languages is an asset, but the ability to keep your mouth shut in any language is priceless.

Happiness is not having to set the alarm clock.

Getting another set of teeth would be much more useful at 60 than at age 6.

“The starting pay is $40,000. 

Later it can go up to $80,000.”

“Great, I’ll start later.”

Only in math problems can you buy 60 cantaloupes, and no one asks what is wrong with you.

When the pool re-opens, due to social distancing rules, there will be no water in lanes 1, 3, and 5. 

When I get a headache, I take two aspirin and keep away from children, just like the bottle says.

Just once, I want the username and password prompt to say, “Close enough.”

Becoming an adult is the dumbest thing I’ve ever done.

Life is like a helicopter. I don’t know how to operate one of those either.

If you see me talking to myself just move along. 

I’m self-employed.

We’re having a meeting.

I envy people who grow old gracefully. 

They age like a fine wine.

I’m aging like milk, getting sour and chunky.

I hate it when I can’t figure out how to operate the iPad and my tech support guy is asleep. She’s 5 and it’s past her bedtime.

Today’s 3-year-olds can switch on laptops and open their favorite apps. When I was 3, I ate mud.

Tip for a successful marriage: Don’t ask your wife when dinner will be ready while she’s mowing the lawn.

So, you drive across town to a gym only to walk on a treadmill?