Three gay men died, and were going to be cremated. Their lovers happened to be at the funeral home at the same time and were discussing what they planned to do with the ashes.
The first gay man said, "My Paul loved to fly, so I'm going up in a plane and scatter his ashes in the sky."
The second gay man said, "My Hank was a good fisherman, so I'm going to scatter his ashes in our favorite lake."
The third gay man said, "My Joel was such a good lover, I think I'm going to dump his ashes in a pot of chili, so he can tear my ass up just one more time."
October 05, 2008
Premature Problem ...
A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem.
After some thought the doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself."
After his appointment the man went to a store and bought himself a starter pistol. Excited to try the doctor’s suggestion, he ran home to his wife.
At home, he found his wife was in bed, naked and waiting. As the two began, they found themselves in the “69” position.
Within moments he felt the sudden urge to ejaculate so he pulled the starter pistol and fired it.
The next day, he went back to the doctor. The doctor asked, "How did it go?"
The man answered, "Not that well, Doc. When I fired the pistol, my wife shit on my face, bit 3 inches off my pecker and my neighbor came out of the closet with his hands in the air."
After some thought the doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself."
After his appointment the man went to a store and bought himself a starter pistol. Excited to try the doctor’s suggestion, he ran home to his wife.
At home, he found his wife was in bed, naked and waiting. As the two began, they found themselves in the “69” position.
Within moments he felt the sudden urge to ejaculate so he pulled the starter pistol and fired it.
The next day, he went back to the doctor. The doctor asked, "How did it go?"
The man answered, "Not that well, Doc. When I fired the pistol, my wife shit on my face, bit 3 inches off my pecker and my neighbor came out of the closet with his hands in the air."
Serious Sgt Major
A crusty old Marine Corps Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event, hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sgt. Major for conversation.
"Excuse me, Sgt. Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"
"Negative, ma'am. I'm just serious by nature," the Marine answered.
The young lady looked at his awards and decorations. "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."
"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action," he told her.
The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."
The Sgt. Major just stared at her in his serious manner.
Finally the young lady asked him, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"
"1955," he told her seriously.
"Well, there you are, the young woman beamed. “You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously! I mean, no sex since1955! Isn't that a little extreme?"
The Sgt. Major glanced at his watch and said, "You think so? It's only 2130 now."
"Excuse me, Sgt. Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"
"Negative, ma'am. I'm just serious by nature," the Marine answered.
The young lady looked at his awards and decorations. "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."
"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action," he told her.
The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."
The Sgt. Major just stared at her in his serious manner.
Finally the young lady asked him, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"
"1955," he told her seriously.
"Well, there you are, the young woman beamed. “You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously! I mean, no sex since1955! Isn't that a little extreme?"
The Sgt. Major glanced at his watch and said, "You think so? It's only 2130 now."
Circle Flies
A cowboy in Oklahoma got pulled over by a State Trooper for speeding. The trooper started to lecture the cowboy about his speeding, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the cowboy feel uncomfortable. Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket.
As he was doing that, he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head. The cowboy said, "Having some problem with them Circle Flies there, are ya?"
The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said, "Well yeah, if that's what they are. I've never heard of Circle Flies."
So the cowboy says, "Well, circle flies are common on ranches. See, they're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse."
The trooper says, "Oh," and goes back to writing the ticket. Then after a minute, he stops and says, "Are you trying to call me a horse's ass?"
The cowboy says, "Oh no, Sir. I have too much respect for law enforcement to even think about calling you a horse's ass."
The trooper says, "Well that's a good thing," and goes back to writing the ticket.
After a long pause the cowboy says, "Hard to fool them flies though."
As he was doing that, he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head. The cowboy said, "Having some problem with them Circle Flies there, are ya?"
The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said, "Well yeah, if that's what they are. I've never heard of Circle Flies."
So the cowboy says, "Well, circle flies are common on ranches. See, they're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse."
The trooper says, "Oh," and goes back to writing the ticket. Then after a minute, he stops and says, "Are you trying to call me a horse's ass?"
The cowboy says, "Oh no, Sir. I have too much respect for law enforcement to even think about calling you a horse's ass."
The trooper says, "Well that's a good thing," and goes back to writing the ticket.
After a long pause the cowboy says, "Hard to fool them flies though."
Sensitive Marine
Three Marine pilots were flying in formation on a routine training flight: Bill, Ken and Ted.
Bill stalls out on final and is killed instantly.
As the ambulance takes the body away, Ken says, "Someone should go and tell his wife."
Ted says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it."
Two hours later, he comes back carrying a 6-pack.
Ken says, "Where did you get the beer, Ted?"
"Bill's wife gave it to me."
"That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you the beer?"
Ted says, "Well not exactly. When she answered the door, I said to her, 'You must be Bill's widow.'"
She said, "No, I'm not a widow."
And I said, "Wanna bet me a six-pack?"
Bill stalls out on final and is killed instantly.
As the ambulance takes the body away, Ken says, "Someone should go and tell his wife."
Ted says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it."
Two hours later, he comes back carrying a 6-pack.
Ken says, "Where did you get the beer, Ted?"
"Bill's wife gave it to me."
"That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you the beer?"
Ted says, "Well not exactly. When she answered the door, I said to her, 'You must be Bill's widow.'"
She said, "No, I'm not a widow."
And I said, "Wanna bet me a six-pack?"
Careful What You Say ...
As you know, we celebrate being Politically Incorrect. This next story certainly proves it.
At the end of a tiny deserted bar in downtown Atlanta sat a huge black man. He was having a few beers, when a short, well dressed, and obviously gay man walked in and sat beside him.
After three or four beers, the gay man got the courage to say a few words to the big black man. Leaning over towards him, he whispered, "Do you want a blow job?"
At this, the massive black man leaped up with fire in his eyes, and smacked the shit out of the gay man, knocking him swiftly off his stool. He proceeded to beat him all the way out of the bar, before leaving him bruised and battered in the parking lot, and returning to his seat.
Amazed, the bartender quickly brought over another beer to the black man, and said, "I've never seen you react like that. What did he say to you?"
"I don't know," the big man replied, "Something about a job."
At the end of a tiny deserted bar in downtown Atlanta sat a huge black man. He was having a few beers, when a short, well dressed, and obviously gay man walked in and sat beside him.
After three or four beers, the gay man got the courage to say a few words to the big black man. Leaning over towards him, he whispered, "Do you want a blow job?"
At this, the massive black man leaped up with fire in his eyes, and smacked the shit out of the gay man, knocking him swiftly off his stool. He proceeded to beat him all the way out of the bar, before leaving him bruised and battered in the parking lot, and returning to his seat.
Amazed, the bartender quickly brought over another beer to the black man, and said, "I've never seen you react like that. What did he say to you?"
"I don't know," the big man replied, "Something about a job."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)