PHILOSOPHICAL ANSWERS TO THE TIME-HONORED QUESTION "WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?"

PLATO
For the greater good.

ARISTOTLE
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX
It was an historical inevitability

DARWIN
Chickens, over a great period of time, have been naturally selected in such
a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.

EINSTEIN
Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken
depends upon your frame of reference.

MACHIAVELLI
The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of
crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

FREUD
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road
reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BUDDHA
Asking this question denies your own chicken.

RALPH WALDO EMERSON
The chicken did not cross the road . . . it transcended it.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY
To die. In the rain.

PAT BUCHANAN
To steal a job from a decent hard working American.

RONALD REAGAN
I don’t remember.

L.A. POLICE DEPARTMENT
Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I’ll find out.

RICHARD NIXON
The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road.

GRANDPA
In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

COLONEL SANDERS
I missed one?

ARTHUR ANDERSEN CONSULTING
Deregulation of the chicken’s side of the road was threatening its dominant
market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create
and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market.
Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped
the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and
implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM),
Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge,
capital and experiences to align the chicken’s people, accesses, and
technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management
framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-aspect of road
analysts and best chickens along with Andersen consultants with deep skills
in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings
in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and
explicit, and to enable them to synergise with each other in order to
achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and
implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of
poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting,
enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically
based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified
market message and aligned with the chicken’s mission, vision, and core
values. This was conducive to the creation of a total business integration
solution. Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more
successful.