- Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book? They all have phones.
- Why do bagpipers walk when they play? They're trying to get away from the noise
- Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have big fingers.
- Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things.
- One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
- One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.
- To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.
- Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
- The older you get, the better you realize you were.
- I doubt, therefore I might be.
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