Quotes 21 - 30

• "USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population."-David Letterman
• "If God doesn't destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology."-Jay Leno
• "A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. 'You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too.' "-Jake Johansen
• "I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific."-Lily Tomlin
• "Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fishburger and I realize, 'Oh my God ... I could be eating a slow learner.'" -- Lynda Montgomery
• "Relationships are hard. It's like a full-time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp." --Bob Ettinger
• "I had a linguistics professor who said that it's man's ability to use language that makes him the dominant species on the planet. That may be. But I think there's one other thing that separates us from animals. We aren't afraid of vacuum cleaners." -- Jeff Stilson
• "Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives." --Sue Murphy
• "The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you." --Rita Mae Brown
• "Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash."-Jerry Seinfeld